Self Reflection

Thinking deeply and self reflection today.

With the passing of my sister three years ago,  and the passing of my mother last Sunday,  I've come to realize that time is not on my side. I could very well, possibly develop, and I do have a 50% chance of developing Alzheimer's disease myself. So I think there needs to be some changes made. 

I have also come to realize that time is so short to be unhappy, time is too short to be angry, time is ticking away by the second.  Time is what's in the moment, and after the moment passes you can never get it back.

My grandmother and my mother used to say,

Live for today,

For tomorrow, we are not promised.

Live today like it's the last day you have in this lifetime.

Those words of wisdom, and reality, is what I have found myself today thinking about today.

As I reflect back over my past, and my memories, of my family in the past, and wanting to make changes to my family in the future.

It also makes me reflect over the last four years of living in Florida.  Is this where I really want to stay??  Or do I want to really get serious about selling my home, and all my belongings, and buying an RV, and hit the road with my husband, and my father,and take my father and my husband, to see things, and places they may have always wanted to visit, but never could.  

After my fathers retirement, my mother became sick with Alzheimer's. So the life that my father had planned on after his retirement became a dream, and he never got to make it a reality. And now that my mother has passed there's no reason why he should remain locked down at his home.  However, at his age he really doesn't need to be driving anymore, let alone a big RV. 

And this is the time that I may have reached the age where time is precious, every day is precious, every hour and every second is precious. I think I need to live by my mother's and my grandmothers, words of wisdom and start to live for today as it may be my last day...

Saying a bitter-sweet goodbye to momma

Okay so last Sunday July 30, 2017, my sweet momma spread her wings and flew to heaven to be with my sister Charlet, and other family that had preceded her. My young son Chris, and neice Traci Jo, along with my father, nursed my momma day in day out, with the help and guidance of hospice.  We tried very hard to make her transition from earth to heaven as painfree, and flawless as possible.

The help from family and friends, along with hospice, made this a very smooth journey for mom.  Although, it has really been hard on all of us, we know that momma is in God's arms and pain free and happy.

My life is forever changed, as I have never been part of palliative care, and it had me so confused and concerned.  Was I doing this correctly, and why did I have to do what I did.  But apparently I was doing the right thing.   During the last week of my mother's life, my oldest sister Debbie and I sang a song that my mother used to sing to us kids when she would wake us up in the morning to get ready for school. That song was:

Good morning to you,
Good morning to you,
We're  all in our places,
With  sunshiny faces,
Good morning to you,
Good morning to you.

 And at one point during the time we were singing this song to my mother, she sang back to us Good morning to you!  I was so happy that my heart was singing to hear my mother's voice. And at another time but I had told her I loved her so much she repeated back to me "I love you too".   A huge huge part of me told me but just for a second my mother was there with me and understood what I said because she repeated it back to me. I will never forget those two instances for the rest of my life.

 Today is the third day since we lost my mom, and it is raining outside and the thunder is rumbling in, and I sit here and think about my mom and how she used to love listening to the rain and the thunder outside. She used to say it was time to take a nap. That she could sleep really well when there was a nice quiet rainstorm outside.   Also today is I take the time to reflect back on memories with my mom I think about the happy times that we did have and some not so happy times,  but that's OK because life isn't perfect you always have to have some kind of bumps in the road to make you laugh to make you think because of the road was smooth as glass there would be no entertainment involved no laughter, no arguments, or disagreements,.

 Rest in peace my sweet momma,  One day we'll all meet in heaven together. I love you so much I miss hearing your voice and seeing your beautiful blue eyes because after all I have your blue eyes.